Who Owns You?

Happiness and non-stop ecstasy is what you want. You see it in the movies and in the world around you. If you are not holding a smile on your face like a shining armor every time you wade through a crazy mob surrounding you, you are doing something wrong. If you are not cracking the right jokes at the right moment, you are not funny enough. If you are one dumbfuck with a weird sense-of-humor, you must be put in line. If you can’t hold the drink, you have a substandard genetic code. If you are an obscure creature indifferent to the beings which actually don’t matter to you, you are a fucking rebel. If you have not yet found your love-of-life like they always told you as you watched Disney as a kid and rom-coms as a teenager, you are an utter failure. If you fail to get through the education engine while outsmarting and outmaneuvering your peers, you are ‘relatively’ dumb. If you are obsessed about a single thing, you are an incomplete monomaniac. If you don’t have a particular ability, you are the master of none. If you talk candidly about the rollercoaster ride that life is, you think too much! If you are not living in the present (?), you are missing the point. If you are not like them, you are a complete whacko. They will beat and thrash and ridicule you through different dimensions to average you out, and make you one of their own.

Unless, of course. You are too stubborn for all that. Too stupid to not think what others think of you. Too confident to silently let go the judgement bestowed upon you by caring and well-intentioned folks, as you know yourself inside out better than anybody else. Too nonconformist to let the constant battering mould you into something which you are not. Too traditional to uphold your ties with your raw unbridled childhood. Too adventurous to allow the unadulterated joy within you to sprout from your being perennially without any fear of societal retribution. Too determined to discover and follow your path, howsoever odd it seems. Too boring to acknowledge that life is mostly sorrows and emptiness at the core, with elation and happiness too few and far in-between. Too notorious to play your original part in full glory and full force, as we are all actors in this incomprehensible juggernaut of a life that is too often misunderstood.
Because when you are at your most vulnerable; when your whole life drives right past your soul like a flickering glimmer of self-awareness; you want it to be your creation, and not a degenerate third grade story of societal reflection. Because even if nobody knows you one hundred percent, you will get to know yourself one day or the other, in whole or in bits and pieces. Because the next time you are called by guilt or regret or fear, you know who is actually responsible.

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